The evolving portrayal of domestic abuse in society: “I knew she was dangerous, but she flattered me and that was enough” – Donny Dunn in Baby Reindeer

Historically, societal attitudes and the justice system have understood domestic abuse in a very one-dimensional stereotypical manner, i.e. that it involved men, usually intoxicated, returning home from the pub and physically assaulting women. Whilst that form of abuse exists, there is a growing appreciation of the reality that domestic abuse has many more faces and victims. It can be far more nuanced, yet equally serious and harmful.

The evolution of the law

The law is taking great strides forward in this area. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 introduced a raft of changes, such as a new and broader statutory definition of domestic abuse (including controlling or coercive behaviour and economic abuse), a Domestic Abuse Commissioner and protections in the family and civil courts (including a ban on the cross-examination of victims by alleged abusers and access to special measures).

New criminal offences were introduced (including post-separation coercive control and threats to disclose private sexual images). The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) has updated its guidance about prosecuting domestic abuse generally to reflect changes brought in by the statute, and the guidance on prosecuting controlling or coercive behaviour offences has been revised, such as to expressly acknowledge more subtle manipulation in the form of ‘love bombing’.

There is more to do

That said, those working within this field would say that there is still a long way to go in developing protections for victim/survivor and robust systems for identifying abuse. Critics perceive that whilst there has been progress, the Act has significant gaps and should go further (for example, there is inadequate protection for migrant women). In respect of the impact of domestic abuse on how couples divide their assets on separation and divorce, research is anticipated this autumn from Resolution, and the Fair Shares? project.

Awareness

Public and professional awareness of the vast and varying nature of domestic abuse is essential, and the role of media, books, films and television in developing that awareness is pivotal.

Some of the latest examples of the presentation of these issues include the 2024 Netflix adaptation of Richard Gadd’s autobiographical one-man show Baby Reindeer and US film adaptation of Colleen Hoover’s bestselling novel It Ends with Us, which premiered in August this year. Baby Reindeer tells the true story of the stalking, harassment and violence endured by Scottish comedian Richard Gadd (‘Donny’) at the hands of a middle-aged woman (‘Martha’). Donny was already vulnerable after being seriously sexually abused some years prior by his TV writer mentor during drug-induced blackouts. The series navigates the modern realities of domestic abuse (including the role of technology), deviates from the stereotypical gender and perhaps age.

It Ends with Us depicts domestic abuse with a focus on its complex emotional and psychological impact, whilst exploring the cyclical nature of abuse. The story follows a young woman (‘Lily Bloom’), as she navigates a relationship with her partner (‘Ryle Kincaid’). As the relationship progresses, Lily realises she has found herself in the same position as her mother – pregnant and stuck in an abusive relationship. The film highlights the painful process for Lily of recognising and addressing abuse. It therefore sheds a light on the challenges victim’s face in identifying abusive behaviour (which in this instance includes love bombing and physical/psychological abuse), and then having the strength to break the cycle.

Presentations of these behaviours explores the raw psychological consequences of abuse for some victims, including a susceptibility to return to abusers. It is refreshing to see different forms of abuse explored in the media. That said, some presentations continue to glamorise dangerous behaviours as a sign of romantic commitment (the Twilight series and 50 Shades of Grey).

Going forward

Professionals and the public alike now need to develop their understanding that there can still be an abusive dynamic even if the victim/survivor is not blameless. Just as we are used to stereotype abusers, we are all too ready to dismiss the situation as ‘six of one, and half a dozen of the other’ if the victim/survivor has ever lashed out themselves, as they do not fit the stereotype of the blameless, downtrodden, victim.

Given we now understand that domestic abuse is coercive control, we should also be able to understand that victim/survivors may have fought back or even instigated incidents, yet they are still the victim of abuse in the relationship. We all need to let go of our unconscious bias about what a victim/survivors should look like; that bias, at least in part, is created by the portrayal of victim/heroines, in films and the media.

As Mark Groves from the National Centre for Domestic Violence stated, “domestic abuse will never end until we make it socially unacceptable”. Until that is achieved in its broadest sense, victims will continue to be at risk, those supporting them may fail to understand what is happening and the taboo and shame, which is often associated with family and intimate behaviours, will not be broken. Tellingly, Richard Gadd in Baby Reindeer is reported to have stated that he had held back from discussing his experiences due to “draconian old age ideas of masculinity”.

The law is the vehicle for reform, but societal attitudes and the public’s understanding are the lubricant for that change.