Signed and sealed

Why is it that washers always go on taps on a Sunday? The plumber came around to sort things out and after about five minutes' work presented me with a bill for £90. I protested that £90 was rather a lot for five minutes work as that equated to an hourly rate of about £1,000. Nevertheless, he mumbled on about a £60 call out fee, the cost of parts and how long it had taken him to drive here etc. It became increasingly obvious that if I did not pay him he would just as swiftly remove the new washer and so the £90 exchanged hands.

It made me think about swears. I did a swear today. The fee that a solicitor can charge for a swear is of course £5 and £2 for every exhibit. Clearly, the consultant who advised on the scale of fees for swears was an entirely different consultant from the one employed by the plumbers.

The swear I did was one of the matrimonial swears; the one where the wife is applying for a decree nisi of divorce and has to swear that the contents of her divorce petition are true and that the signature on the acknowledgement of service is indeed that of her soon to be ex-husband. These swears are always a little emotional as the married party creeps relentlessly towards the divorce. Often the person doing the swear asks for advice about their divorce and, as we are only there to attach our signature to the document, we have to politely decline. On this particular occasion she wanted a copy of what I had signed on her behalf and I felt a little heartless in refusing so I gave her a copy of the document. Rather cheekily she then asked for an envelope which again I produced. Finally, she asked for a receipt. It made me think once again about the plumber and his £90 cash. Did he give me a receipt? I wonder.

The fee for the administration of an oath has been £5 for rather a long time. Despite the fact that it takes up a certain amount of time to do it correctly, no one has increased the fee and it seems to be one of those little oddities which has escaped inflation and really should be looked at more closely.

These days we get requests to sign statutory declarations in respect of business premises, people wanting to change their names, and of course the invariable documents used by insurance companies when you have lost their policy documents.

A tricky business

All of these statutory declaration forms are drafted differently. Some are drafted quite appallingly and make it tough for the solicitor to know where to sign and, as you are attempting to do all this within a few moments, there is considerable scope for getting it wrong; and what worse could there be than having that same person come back to your office two weeks later asking you to do it again because you didn't put a signature in the correct place!

Worst of all are the documents that are not in English. I am not really willing to attach my signature to a document which is in French when I simply do not know what is being said. A particular client comes back every year with a document written in German with a certified translation. The document appears to be saying that the client is alive and kicking and still able to claim a pension from the German government. I simply have to confirm that the client is alive and having attached my signature to the document I charge £5 for that diagnosis.

The trickiest documents of all are those relating to mortgages and guarantees, where solicitors have to open a file and keep accurate records and indeed write to the client confirming their advice; because if the client subsequently says that they were not properly advised you may be called to give evidence of the advice you actually gave. These clients still seem to think that this will only cost £5, and when you tell them that it may cost £200 to £300 they recoil in shock.

It is a difficult business swearing documents. Very few of these only take a minute or two and a large number of clients ask the invariable question: 'Why can't my own solicitor do this?' You then have to trot out the explanation that obviously their own solicitor believes everything they say whereas I am just an old cynic who, as I am not their solicitor, has to take everything they say with a pinch of salt.

On the other hand, it is sometimes nice to be reminded of tradition. To think back to those days where swears were all about sealing wax, red or perhaps green ribbons, and a seal on a signet ring. As it happens, I do have some sealing wax in my office as occasionally clients ask for it on their documents. This is not something I encourage as on one occasion many years ago having lit the sealing wax with a match and deposited it on the document I noticed that the sealing wax was still burning and the document was about to go up in flames much to the consternation of the client. There is always a reason why traditions such as sealing wax die out. Perhaps on balance swearing documents is not such a bad tradition which we should allow to continue but, with no increase for many years, the current fee needs adjusting. There is indeed a peculiarity that Cosmo the dog can go to the poodle parlour for his monthly shampoo for £35 and I can witness an oath in relation to a decree nisi along with an exhibit for just £7.