Keep calm and don't make Hulk angry

It is great to have you back, Hulk. What have you been up to since we last spoke?

HULK HAS SMASHED THREE BOTTLES OF WHISKY, TWO CASES OF WINE AND ONE SPEEDY TRIAL. SO PRETTY QUIET, REALLY.

Glad to hear it. One of your brethren, Robert Rinder of 2 Hare Court, is set to be the UK's own version of Judge Judy. Are you upset you were passed over for the role?

HULK GUESSES THAT THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF "DIVERSIFICATION" AT THE CRIMINAL BAR. HULK PREFERS COURT WITHOUT THE CAMERAS, NATCH.

Barrister's profits have fallen 12 per cent in the last two years. Is that why you are so angry?

HULK NEVER TALKS ABOUT HIS INCOME. BUT IT HAS GONE UP 60 PER CENT IN TWO YEARS.

What do you think of Wonga creating fake law firms?

HULK AGREES WITH ANDY SAWFORD MP. IT WOULD BE AN APPROPRIATE METHOD OF USURY-SMASHING TO CHARGE THEIR STANDARD RATE OF INTEREST ON THE REGULATOR'S FINE. BETTER £203TN RATHER THAN A PUNY £2.6M.

Speaking of punishments, a defendant has been fined after taking a selfie while in the dock. Have you ever considered taking a selfie in court?

HULK WOULD LIKE IT IF HE COULD STOP ACCIDENTALLY TAKING SELFIES OF HIMSELF IN COURT ON HIS IPAD. IT IS VERY IRRITATING.

I can only imagine. Meanwhile, the lord chancellor wishes to put an end to so-called 'revenge porn'. What is your suggestion to tackle this?

HULK SHUDDERS TO THINK ABOUT GRAYLING'S REVENGE PORN. SURELY ARTICLE 3 EHCR WILL DO THE JOB AGAINST THAT PARTICULAR MONSTROSITY? BUT OH YEAH, GRAYLING WANTS TO REPEAL THE HUMAN RIGHTS ACT.

What do you think of the recent #HipsterLaw phenomenon?

SEAN JONES QC IS TOO DAMN COOL FOR SCHOOL. IT IS AMAZING HE EVER GETS ANY WORK DONE. BUT HULKIE PREFERRED HIS #MARRIEDTOTHEBAR EFFORTS (MERELY BECAUSE HULK PROVOKED THE TWEETING SILK INTO STARTING THAT ONE OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE).

How did you do that?

HULK OBSERVED THAT MS ALAMUDDIN HAD FOUND A UNIQUE SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEMS AT THE CRIMINAL BAR.

A 'quintet' of attorney generals have debated the role of juries in internet age. What are your thoughts on this?

IT IS WITH TREPIDATION THAT HULK SEES THOSE DRUNKS DEALING WITH CRIMINAL MATTERS. AND THAT IS JUST THE JUDGES. WHEN PUNY HUMANS GET TOGETHER AS A JURY, THEY ARE LESS LIKELY TO MAKE TOO-CLEVER-BY-HALF DECISIONS. THAT IS WORTH THE ODD STUPID VERDICT.

And what do you think of the new attorney general?

SMASH THE PUNY AG WHO THOUGHT POLITICS WAS BETTER THAN THE LAST REMAINING PROFESSION.

The new 'Barrister Hottie List' has been released. Did Hulk expect to be in the running?

THEY HAVE MADE A GRAVE ERROR BUT WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HULKIE WASN'T RANKED LAST YEAR, PUNY HUMAN?

The plot as to your identity thickens. Thank you, Hulkie.

YOU'RE WELCOME, PUNY HUMAN. SJ

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