Hulk QC's smashing summer

Hello again, Hulk. Have you been enjoying your summer holidays? Did you manage to get away from the hustle and bustle of the Bar?

HULK SPENT TWO WEEKS ON CAPE COD, A LONG WEEKEND IN FLORENCE AND TWO GLORIOUS DAYS AT ROTHERHAM MAGISTRATES WHILE PEADO-AD-NAUSEUM-GATE BROKE. BARRISTERS
WERE EVERYWHERE HULK WENT SO UNFORTUNATELY THE ANSWER IS NO.

While you’ve been away the national contract for on-site catering services in crown courts has expired. Are you afraid of jurors eating their lunches with defendants or victims?

AFRAID? TWO TRIALS FOR THE PREPARATION OF ONE? QUIDS IN. NOT GREAT FOR THOSE OTHER PEOPLE – CLIENTS? – MIND. HULK WOULDN’T WISH FOUR MORE MONTHS OF SHEPHERDS PIE ON ANYONE THOUGH.

And what do you think of Boris Johnson’s suggestion to scrap the presumption of innocence?

HULK WOULD WAGER THAT WHILE PM, BORIS GOES OVER TO SYRIA TO BRING ASSAD INTO THE FOLD GHADDAFI-BLAIR-STYLE. THEN HULK WILL ISSUE A WRIT.

The Ministry of Justice has been served with a £180,000 penalty by the Information Commissioner’s Office for data protection breaches. What advice would you give the MoJ?

HULK WOULD ADVISE THE FOLLOWING: FIND WAYS TO REDUCE THE INFORMATION COMMISSIONER’S FUNDING, AND/OR SCRAP THE FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT. BUT MOJ PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW THAT. THE OTHER ALTERNATIVE IS IN ADOPTING A RECRUITMENT POLICY THAT DISCRIMINATES AGAINST MUPPETS NEGATIVELY, RATHER THAN POSITIVELY AS IT APPEARS TO NOW.

The Solicitors Regulation Authority (SRA) has agreed to share its data on solicitors with comparison websites set up by third parties. Can you envisage the same occurring with barristers?

SMASH THE SRA. WHAT A BUNCH OF TIGHT-PANTED NINCOMPOOPS. LEGAL ADVICE IS NOT LIKE BUYING AN IPOD. HULK’S HOURLY RATE IS PRIVATE. AND VERY HIGH.

Aspiring barristers will be starting their BPTCs this term. Does Hulk have any words of wisdom for them?

IF YOU DON’T HAVE PUPILLAGE, DON’T DESPAIR.

And for those hoping to get a mini-pupillage, what’s the worst thing they could say during an interview?

A MINI-PUPIL ONCE POINTED OUT THAT THERE WAS A STAIN ON HULK’S TIE. HE SPENT THE REST OF THE WEEK IN THE BASEMENT OF INNER TEMPLE LIBRARY LOOKING UP WHAT
ALL THE PREVIOUS EDITIONS OF CHITTY HAD TO SAY ABOUT THE CARBOLIC SMOKE BALL.

Thirty-three law firms, chambers and related organisations have signed up to the fair pay scheme for their staff. Does Hulk think this is achievable?

HULK SAY THE LIVING WAGE IS A WORTHY AND SENSIBLE PROJECT. QUITE WHAT ‘FAIR PAY’ WOULD LOOK LIKE IS A MUCH HARDER QUESTION. A BIT LIKE ALL MATHEMATICAL QUESTIONS TO LAWYERS, WHO ARE UNIFORMLY INNUMERATE.

Would Hulk ever think about moving abroad to an international chambers?

HULK DID AS A RESULT OF YOUR QUESTION BUT QUICKLY STOPPED. INNER TEMPLE HALL OPENS SHORTLY, YOU KNOW. IT WOULD BE MADNESS TO MISS BEEF DAY. OR TURKEY
DAY. OR FISH & CHIP FRIDAY (NOR OF COURSE LAMB DAY). BUT HULK’S FAVOURITE IS PORK DAY. SO MOVING ABROAD IS NO GOOD AT ALL.

And finally, what has Hulk got planned for this coming week?

HULK HAS BEEN PREPARING FOR A MASSIVE TRIAL THIS WEEK, PUNY HUMAN. HULK IS VISITING HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW NEXT WEEK. SJ

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